A journal entry from 1:05 am:
It is June 11th, I leave July 23rd from Kansas City. Even sooner, I leave Columbia to go back home on July 14th. This summer is going by faster than I ever imagined. 34 days left in Columbia. 43 days left in the United States. When did that happen? I was thinking about it today and miscalculated (of course...math) and thought it was 53 days until I depart. That number I was ok with, it was comforting, and I felt like I still had a lot of time. But then when I actually figured it out, especially how many more days in Columbia I have remaining... my heart dropped and I thought I was going to throw up. Whoa, this is actually going to happen soon, huh? When am I going to realize that? Probably when I get back in December... So after I calculated the real numbers, I had this sinking feeling as I'm laying in bed attempting to sleep. I feel like I haven't been using my short short short time this summer as best as I could and I want to start now...but it's 1:14 am... I was just laying in bed with those numbers heavy on my brain and I couldn't stop thinking about the situation. I don't want to wake up tomorrow and it be July 14th or July 23 and I still haven't done anything. I want to use this time to accomplish goals, prepare spiritually, fall back in love with the spanish language (a.k.a. review spanish), and shower my friends with love. I had to get up and journal this so I will remember the urgency of this feeling.